I saw a great post/share on Facebook that really hit home with me. It brought to mind something that has been bothering me since we attended Congress this summer. I had a majorly anxiety filled first half of Congress this year and I 100% know why. I was riding for all the wrong reasons.
You see, this year at Congress they were giving away saddles for high point. I wanted a saddle. I thought that if I showed in the 45 and over division I really had a chance at that saddle. I set myself up to think that I needed to win every class to get that saddle. I practiced and took lessons and prepared myself to do my best but the end goal was.... that saddle. That DAMN saddle. Do I need a saddle? No. I have several beautiful saddles. But boy, did I want to win another saddle.
Congress started and let's just say, showmanship did not go well. In fact, it was an epic fail on my part. Elsie did her part; did her part fantastically. Even though I had practiced the pattern a dozen or more times, I did it wrong. Embarrassingly wrong. I left the arena and cried. I cried because I was embarrassed and because I thought to myself, "now you can't make any more mistakes the rest of the week because you won't win the high point." I cried because I knew the pattern and I completely blew it. Not surprisingly, for the next few classes, I put all of this pressure squarely on the wrong shoulders. I expected Elsie to step up and fix the hole I had dug for us. I expected perfection out of her. I went into every class a nervous wreck and expected her to just be calm, cool and perfect with a rider that was sending her every possible subtle signal that everything was the opposite of okay.
Truthfully - she still carried my anxious butt around and did her very best. But after a few more classes it became pretty obvious that I wasn't in the running for any high point saddle anymore. Guess what? That was the best thing that ever happened. All of a sudden I got my head on straight and started riding for the right reasons.
What are the right reasons in my mind?
To enjoy my favorite hobby.
To try to improve on our last rides.
To challenge myself to try new things.
To see what Elsie and I can do when we ride as a team.
To have fun with my friends, share stories, and laugh.
What will never be the right reason? To win high points or, truthfully, even classes. It shouldn't be about winning. When it becomes about winning you start doing things that make you less of a horseman. You start drugging your horse and pushing them to show/perform when they aren't feeling their best. You start putting ribbons before your horse's mental and physical well being. You create more anxiety for yourself. You lose the joy of friendship and camaraderie when it becomes about beating this person or that person. You send your horse away to "get fixed" instead of fixing it yourself or, let's be honest, fixing YOURSELF.
Which brings me to my last point. I could never afford to send my horse away to a trainer and while that is sometimes frustrating, in the long run I'm thankful. I'm thankful because I'm forced to work on us as a team. I'm forced to try to better myself constantly. I've gotten help/lessons from a lot of wonderful professionals over the years and I'm thankful for every exercise, tip, drill, etc... that they have shared. I'm thankful for their voices in my head telling me that I can do it as a DIY horse trainer. Without doing it myself I would have lost the best part about horse showing or any horse competition - making that connection with an animal and doing it as a team.
Since Congress I've been working on me as a person and working on my personal goals. I want to help others by encouraging them. I want to Elsie and I are to do our personal best. I want to laugh a lot, spend time with friends and enjoy every ride. I want to celebrate the good rides and the good patterns no matter what the judges think. Judges don't know who has drugged their horse, beaten their horse or worn their horse down. Unethical horse practices are always going to happen around us. We need to worry less about the judge's opinion and worry more about what's going on in our own saddle and our own barn. I'm a work in progress on that one, but I'm trying. It's a retraining of the brain process. All we can do is try. I'm thankful I have good friends and an amazing hubby who remind me all the time about what is truly important.
The horse.
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