Years ago a horse crazy friend of ours used the phrase "fully commit" to describe herself and her family when they would do something a little nuts but wouldn't give up. We have since used it dozens of times when life has gotten a little crazy. Example: The time a tiny Libby had to catch the feral miniature horse and literally was hanging from her neck with her feet flying until the little hell on hooves gave up and stopped. Libby was "fully committed".
Which brings me to the purpose of this blog. When people ask me for my parenting tips for raising successful children, I have one. Fully commit. You have to fully commit to this parenting gig. You can't be a part timer or just go half in. A good parent knows that to raise good human beings, you have to fully commit from the start.
Fully commit to discipline: Sometimes that means taking your screaming child out of the store and leaving a full cart of groceries in the aisle. And no - you don't go back. Not that day and not that day with that child. Sometimes it means grounding them from the TV and getting to spend the night without TV yourself. Or not getting to go somewhere fun because they lost the privilege and therefore you did by default. If you make a consequence, you 100% of the time have to carry through with that consequence. No matter how much it sucks for you. Fully commit.
Fully commit to be there: Be in the stands no matter what. Yep, you need to give up vacations and things that you want to do. But you will not give up a childhood full of memories. You will not give getting to be there for your child when they need you to hold them together after a tough loss and celebrate with them for the victories. You will drive on horrendous roads, sit in the heat and the freezing cold and get a serious case of bleacher butt at times, but your child will not forget that you were there. Even if they tell you they don't mind you not being there -fully commit to just be there.
Fully commit to education: Be involved in your child's education. Be at parent teacher conferences, read their planner with them and know how they are doing. Check in on their grades, but more importantly, check in with them. Ask them what they are learning each day and what activities they have done. Ask them to show you what they are learning. Most importantly - let them know that education is important and NEVER SAY "I wasn't good at XYZ so I get why you aren't." This tells your kiddo that no matter what they do, they won't be good at a subject and you don't even care for them to try. Being good at math is not genetic, but attitudes about education are contagious. Help teachers help your child.
Fully commit to loving them through it: Be prepared to love them through the times that they tell you they hate you or "you're just not as cool as you think you are." Be prepared to love them through the lying, sneaking or just general messing up. You need them to know that you love them no matter what, even when you are taking away everything they consider fun in their lives. It won't help them at the moment, but it will in the long game. Love them through it always.
Fully commit to letting them struggle: For the love of all things holy, STOP saving your kids from struggle and heartbreak. You can support them, pick them up, guide them and help them. But stop FIXING it for them. Stop stepping in to pick them up before they have even fallen. Let them fail. They will learn more from those failures than they will ever learn from a 100 successes.
I don't have this parenting thing all figured out. However, after 20+ years of teaching and 24 years of raising kids, I can tell you that the successful kids are the ones whose parents were fully committed. They were in their kids' lives and they meant it. They knew their kids, their kids' friends, teachers, likes and dislikes. Their kids didn't always have the most expensive things, the best of everything, but they had parents who were fully committed to making them good humans and they knew it. In the long run - that is what will matter to your kids.
It will be a little bit like hanging onto a full sized racing horse by the neck as your feet bounce off the ground and their hooves flash in front of your face. It will feel a little like life and death at times. You will cry, you will yell, they will yell and they will cry - but at the end of the day ... it's pretty fantastic.
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