As with everything related to dealing with live animals, there is not one right or wrong answer to so many questions that come up. One of the biggest issues that comes up with horses/ponies and their riders though is, "when something isn't working out - what is the cause?" I'm talking about a behavior issue with a pony. Maybe a pony that used to be good is now running through the bit or kicking out, biting, bucking, buddy sour, you name. As horsemen we have to ask ourselves first if the issue is physical or mental.
The first step is typically ruling out the physical issues and there are a lot to choose from. Physical issues can sometimes be so hidden that the horse looks fine on the outside, but is suffering from ulcers, back pain, chiropractic issues, teeth problems, cysts, hormones, you name it. Some horses are ridiculously stoic and won't act in pain, just crabby. Some are complete wimps and make a big deal out of nothing. However, it seems with most horses, if it can go wrong, typically it does go wrong.
Once you've ruled out the physical, we start trying to diagnose the mental. Is the rider creating the horse's anxiety? Does the horse need professional training? This is a good time to enlist the help of a professional trainer. If the trainer is able to work through the horse's issue and the rider is still struggling, maybe lessons will move the partnership forward. Professional trainer and lessons are next on the checkoff list.
But sometimes, after investing all this time and money, the rider and the horse still aren't making that connection. I've seen it so many times and experienced it myself. It's frustrating and defeating to watch your horse be so good for someone else and then you ride them and everything seems to fall apart. Pretty soon you're dreading riding time and there you have it - the reason why some people stop riding. I see it so often in kids. They start on a good steady eddy kind of horse. The farm plod that isn't going to win any beauty contests, but is safe safe safe. And then they get a little confident and buy that flashy show pony. But flashy show pony has buttons and a little more savvy about how to conserve calories. And pretty soon - riding just got a whole lot harder.
Many trainers/parents will say that you don't give up, you stick with it and keep at it until you figure them out; until that combo comes together as a team. I have seen that work. I have seen people spend months, years even, and finally get to the point where they can work together with their horse. But you know what I typically don't see, even after all of that? The joy. The connection. The love of the horse that we are all searching for. Just because you can stand your horse's personality and quirks long enough to get around the pen without getting dumped, and maybe even win a ribbon, doesn't mean that is the horse for you. Coming to that realization is often super difficult. Especially when the horse is wickedly talented.
My most recent personal experience with this is Coupe and China. They were a year apart, Coupe being a year older. He was beautiful and talented. He was the palomino I have always wanted and had the movement I've always been looking for. He was naturally quiet and wanted to go low and slow like a pleasure horse should. China was a year younger, not as naturally inclined in pleasure and did not have the wicked cool legs that Coupe had. But Coupe and I just didn't get along. I had him at a professional trainer. I had lessons. I rode and rode and rode him. And as the months went by, riding him became more and more of a chore and less and less fun. Not because he wasn't getting "better". Because he was! But we just didn't get along. HIs personality and mine did not mix and every ride I became more nervous, more anxious and our rides got shorter. At the same time I was hopping on the unbroke 2 year old, China, and enjoying every second of our crazy rides. She had no buttons, no knowledge and I was having so much fun. Almost a year to the day of buying him, I sold Coupe. The next family LOVED him. No complaints and he was just what they wanted. I never regretted one second of that decision. I could have kept him and we may or may not have been successful in the pen. But it wasn't fun for me and it wasn't working. It wasn't Coupe's fault. It wasn't my fault. It just wasn't a good match.
China and I are a good match. We have our days, we have our moments, but I get her and she gets me. Tim says it is because we are too much alike. I'm not sure what that means, (I'm sure it has nothing to do with us both being a little bit anxious and having a lot of social anxiety) but she is my heart horse. If I had my choices of riding any horse in our pasture - no matter the level of talent - the answer will probably always be China. That is the kind of connection that I wish for every person with their horse, but most especially kids. Too many times I see kids forced into riding a pony out of their comfort zone because mom or dad spent a lot of money on the pony or a lot of money on training/lessons. I get it - I sure do. However, you can fast burn a kid out of riding altogether when riding isn't fun anymore. That is the worst kind of cruelty to a horse crazy kid.
It's okay to sell a horse that isn't working out for you or your child. It is okay to throw in the towel and find them a more appropriate home that will hopefully make that connection. You're not giving up or quitting. When dealing with live animals, there is so much more to consider and doesn't your horse or pony deserve a person of their own? Riding is supposed to be fun. Not scary, not anxiety causing, not something you avoid. I understand that this is an unpopular opinion with many folks out there in the horse world, but for me - I'm all about fostering the love of ponies and riding in kids. You don't do that by forcing a kid to ride a pony that scares them. You do that by helping those kids find the fun.
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