Recently I was visiting with a friend about making tough decisions in relation to selling horses. It got me thinking back to times when we have listed horses/ponies for sale and the mistakes we made along the way. This branched out to other more general mistakes we have made over the years so I decided to share what I have learned...
First and foremost: Stop listening to other people instead of your own heart.
This applies towards horses and humans. In the human realm - just because your friend or trainer doesn't like someone, doesn't make that other person a bad person. There are two sides to every story and maybe, just maybe, your friend or trainer wasn't completely innocent in the story. There is also a chance your friend or trainer misunderstood the situation. I think that in every situation it's for the best if you get to know the person and come to your very OWN conclusions.
This also applies to the horse realm. Good trainers choose horses for people based off of skill ability (of the horse and the rider) and the goals that trainers have in mind for their clients. Trainers make money from having clients in the barn. Trainers make money from helping their clients achieve their goals. The bigger and more prestigious those goals are - the better it is for the trainer's name. Make sure you are honest with your trainer about your goals and prioritize them. Sometimes we get swept up in pushing, pushing, pushing towards the big goal that the trainer THINKS we want, when really, we just want to have a pony that makes us feel safe, that we enjoy riding and that we can achieve a few goals at a lower level show at. Sometimes trainers forget to slow down and achieve the small goals first because their livelihood depends on getting the client the success they want. Trainers get paid when clients are happy. Always keep that in the back of your mind.
It's OKAY to want a horse that might not be as talented, but is safe enough for you to work on your own training/riding skills on. I flat out had a big name trainer tell me that China was not world show caliber. He said that she was the kind of horse I could learn training techniques on and then apply those techniques to a better horse. You know what China and I did after that? We went and won buckle after buckle and a saddle and high points and.... do you know why? Because western pleasure isn't the only class at the pleasure show. Big name trainers sometimes forget that. Also, because I had a connection with her, I loved her and I wanted to ride her. I felt safe on her. I sold a better moving horse, with a better pedigree, who was prettier and had actual professional training for my home trained, nothing special to most of the world, horse. I have NEVER regretted that decision for a second and instead am the most thankful that I didn't listen to trainers, judges, you name it. I listened to my heart. China proved many times over that she could place and win in those pleasure classes AND she proved that I had made the right decision - with my heart. Even if we had never won those high points, buckles and saddle, I enjoyed our rides and I enjoyed learning with her. Totally worth it.
Second: Ask yourself, what do you want from your experience with your horse?
I hope I can make myself clear here - but I see too many people who feel their horse needs to live at the trainer. They drop their horses off and maybe hop on them at the show or a few days before the show. If that is what your personal schedule allows or that is what you want, then yay - okay. Do that. I get that some people want to be involved with horses but have crazy work schedules, family obligations, etc... that don't allow them the time to ride their own horses.
However, if what you are wanting is to experience a connection with your horse, understanding a horse, improving your horsemanship skills - then don't just leave your horse at the trainers. Ride your own horse, get help, get lessons, but try to work through the issues on your own first. (Of course always safety first - if your horse is dangerous, get professional help or PREFERABLY get a different horse.) I have literally been standing next to someone as they got on their horse and the trainer said "just sit there and don't wreck him". This is not horse ownership. There is no understanding between the horse and rider. In this case the rider is a simple passenger. Where is the fun in that, you might as well be showing a bicycle? What is the joy in winning there? When you place first, what did you do? Write the biggest check?
Until you have experienced winning or placing in a class on a horse you made, you may not know the difference. There is nothing like placing and knowing you did it on your own. Nothing. Some trainers don't want you to know that. I'm telling you. Ride your own horse as much as you can. You will be leaps and bounds ahead of the rider who doesn't. You will know every time they lift their rib cage, their shoulder, reach with that back leg, breathe deeply. You will come to know every twitch of your horse's body and even better - they will know yours. With a pony I have been riding for a while, it's like she finishes my sentences. I start to think, hey, we should probably move over up here to avoid traffic and then it just happens. That kind of communication doesn't happen when you ride a trainer ridden horse.
If your horse HAS to stay at the trainers in order to be ridden at a show because of a behavior issue, get a different horse. Life is too short to ride a bad minded horse. This goes back to the above, your next horse may not have as good of movement, but western pleasure (or HUS) isn't the only class at the show. Find something you can excel at with a horse you love and do that.
Third: Set goals. Work towards those goals. Be accountable towards those goals.
SET GOALS. I can't say this enough. Not just the big 5 year, 10 year or life long goals - but small goals for this month, then for this season and then for the year. THEN you can work out a plan to achieve those goals. What are you going to have to do to make your goals happen?
There were definitely times in our past when we didn't have a plan. As Phoebe said in Friends, we didn't even have a "pla...".
We had horses of every color, breed and discipline. We went to some small open shows, some big open shows and a breed show here or there. It was when someone finally asked us, "what are your goals?" that we realized - we didn't have any. "Just have fun" wasn't a goal and we weren't even doing that well anyway. We were frustrated. Now I keep a list of goals on my phone. Two separate lists actually: one for me as a breeder and one for myself as a rider. Last year I was physically able to check a goal off the list in my phone and it was one of the most rewarding feelings I have ever experienced. I'm constantly editing and revising my goals because they change as my ponies grow and change. Keep those goals realistic, but also just challenging enough.
I've been reading a lot about vision boards. I love this idea. This entails making goals, putting them into a visual board and then keeping that somewhere you can look at it and refer back to it for motivation.
I have a list of goals on my phone but maybe it is time to take that to the next level to help me keep those goals in the forefront of my mind. These goals don't have to be your trainer's goals. These are for YOU. Don't sit down with your trainer and set goals - sit down by yourself. Ask yourself what you want in your own heart. Maybe it isn't to win a national title. That's okay. Maybe your goal is to learn how to train the lope, learn how to do a flying lead change, learn how to change a horse's speed with your seat, learn how to relax in a pattern. This is where national titles eventually happen. Small achievable goals that grow into HUGE successes. Once you've set your personal goals, by all means, share them with your trainer. If they try to talk you out of them - find another trainer.
One of the hardest things in life is learning to listen to your own heart, your own "gut" as they say. If someone else's dreams for you don't feel right, isn't it time to take back your life and chase your own dreams?
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